My Antidrug
by Hysterical Insanity
Summary: A series of KHR crack drabbles. I get bored in Math class, this stuff happens. Most of it's pretty funny though! T for stuff and paranoia.
1. Taste the Arcobaleno!

**A/N This is the first of many crack drabbles I come up with during Math. It is entitled Taste the Rainbow. This actually started during a phone conversation between me and a friend, who may or may not be reading this. I then developed it into….this thing here! BTW, if you've read Guardiano Della Neve, then it's Pandora's POV. If not, you decide whose POV it is. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned either KHR or Skittles, I'm pretty sure they'd have my name on them.**

I was sitting on the couch; half asleep and waiting for the coffee to finish. I quickly learned, as did everyone else, that exhaustion, Skittle commercials, and Arcobalenos don't mix very well. But no one knew that at first.

It seemed innocent enough when the commercial came on; Skittles: Feel the Rainbow, Taste the Rainbow! I blinked a little…. rainbow….

"Hey, doesn't Arcobaleno mean Rainbow in Italian?" I mumbled sleepily. Reborn, Colonello, and Lal Mirch looked at me; they weren't the only ones, but they were the only Arcobalenos (even though Lal's not _technically_ a complete one.) in the room.

"Yes….why?" From the way she answered, it seemed like Lal was on to me.

"So," I continued "Taste the rainbow and taste the Arcobaleno is technically the same thing."

"I guess. What's all this about, kora?" Colonello was suspicious too. That meant Reborn probably already new where I was going.

"Then, if I licked an Arcobaleno, would they taste like fruit?"

This comment caused everyone to whirl towards me and stare at me like I was insane.

"More importantly," I went on, undisturbed by the eyes on me "Would I have to chew through thick candy coating to get to the delicious fruity center?"

"Eh…Ah….Teh…wha...Ehhhhh?" Was the general reaction to that one.

I was about to go on to say "And if I put you in water for a long time, will you dissolve?" but the coffee maker went off. Time for caffeine.

**A/N Like I said, Math class gets boring. I get…strange ideas…..oh, be glad I didn't post the Lal MirchXHibird I wrote for this…yet! I will later. It's called My Birdy, starring Lal Mirch, Hibird, and Hibari! **


	2. MY BIRDY!

**A/N Another crack drabble from Math! This is the My Birdy one I talked about in the last chapter! My Birdy…..the tragic romance of a girl, a boy, and a bird. I still don't know what I was on when I wrote this! Just so everyone knows, I don't ship this. Oh, and they're REALLY OOC! Except maybe Hibird….**

**Disclaimer: I don't own KHR. I don't own any drugs, either.**

Lal Mirch was walking down a hallway on the floor that happened to lead to Hibari's part of the base. Don't ask why, just go with it. Her blue hair swished with the rhythm of her footsteps, her eyes sparkled behind her goggles. Hibird couldn't resist, he flew up and perched on her shoulder.

"Awww, what a cute little birdy you are! Whose a cute little birdy? You are, you are!" As Lal baby talked the sweet little thing, it racked it's memory for any phrase Hibari had ever taught it to describe what he was feeling at that moment. Finally, he hit on one of the most recent.

"I love you! Will you date me?" He chirped out, his kawaii little voice echoing in the hallway.

"I wovles you soooo much, little Hibird, of course I'll be your girlfriend!" Lal was to focused on her new lover to notice the footsteps behind her.

Hibari drew back his tonfa and struck the back of her neck with enough force to snap it and kill her, but she was only unconscious, because I can't kill off Lal, screaming the words that will echo through the hallways for an eternity…or a week, whichever comes first!

"_**MY BIRDY!"**_

And then Hibird and Hibari went off, got married, had lots of little eggs, and lived happily ever after! The end!

**I warned you, didn't I? That this crap was going to get freaky? Yeah, this is the weirdest one I've ever come up with…..ever. Well, we'll see about that. You haven't even heard what Varia and Vongola are going to be for Halloween yet!**


	3. Wounds to Lick

**A/N So, this and the chapter following are companions of a sort. Remember how Bel flipped over Halloween in the KHR ABC B drabble. This is why. Oh, and what happened to the kid and the old lady are up to your minds. Make it as sinister or as hilarious as you want.**

**DISCLAIMER. Yeah, I totally own KHR. And you know what else? My name is Dave and I'm a 40 year old lama. Put that in your juice box and suck it.**

Ah, the wonders of Halloween and lost bets! I had bets with the Varia, and some of the Vongola, so I got to pick their costumes! Except Viper, who wouldn't bet with me. Now, they should be about ready…Here's Xanxus and Levi! I was nice to Xanxus, and, admittedly, he does look nice as Batman! Levi…not so much; he's Pikachu.

"VOOOIIII! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!"

"Love you too, Squ-Ni!" Squalo is just too cute as a Land shark!  
"Ushishishi, the Prince hates you too." Stab stab. Wonder where Bel stores his knives*…

"Naw, you got blood on the floor, Miss Liberty!" Yes, Bel is the Lady of Liberty. Commence laughing now!

Everyone paused for a second. We were really only waiting on Fran and Mama Luss, since Viper got to pick out his own costume (well, I gave him a few choices, since he wouldn't bet with me). Fran walked in at that moment, dressed as a Disney Princess, glaring at me monotonously.

"Okay, so everyone except Xanxus hates me,"

"Wrong, trash." A glass shattered against my head. So this is what it feels like to be Squalo.

"ANYWAYS! I don't think Mama Luss will hate me too much, but you guys probably will!" Right on cue, Mama Luss pranced in, accompanied by screams of 'My eyes!' I was spot on; Lussuria was enjoying his Bella Swan costume.

After that trauma, resulting in everyone forcing Luss to change costumes (he is now Edward Cullen. It's the best they could do.), Viper floated in, dressed as a Hunter, from Left4Dead, claiming it was simple and cheap because he already had the hoodie part of the costume.

Needless to say, it was a hectic night for those poor candy givers and kids. There was one poor kid dressed as Robin who decided to follow Xanxus around until, well; I'd rather not talk about it.

**Next we see what the Vongola wore or were forced to wear for Halloween! It's fairly easy to see who lost the bet with them, but I'll go ahead and list them for you.**

**Lost the Bet: Tsuna, Gokudera, Hibari, Dino, Mukuro, Lal, and Colonello.**

**Didn't Lose: Yamamoto, Lambo, Kyoko, Ryohei, Haru, Reborn, Bianchi, Futa, and I-Pin.**

*** I sense another story coming up! Where _ hides his _! Bel, Knives. Gokudera, Bombs. Reborn, Every freaking thing he pulls out of nowhere that isn't Leon!**


	4. And how to lick them

**A/N Note the titles; Wounds to lick and how to lick them. The companion to the previous Halloween. ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: No. Just no.**

Remember when I mentioned the bets with Vongola? Here we have what they went as! Tsuna was a Tuna, Gokudera was Uri, Yamamoto went as Babe Ruth, Ryohei and Kyoko went as each other, Lambo went as the Eat More Chicken Cow, Hibari and Dino were Sailor Mars and Sailor Venus (I couldn't resist it! I'm sorry!), Chrome was Mukuro, who was Mr. Owl from the Tootsie Pop commercials, Reborn was a Hitman, I-Pin was a zombie, Bianchi was a squirrel, Futa was a vampire, Lal was Colonello, and Colonello was a Fairy Princess. You can guess which of them wants to kill me!

It wasn't quite as bad as the Varia, until Hibari realized a few things. A, he was in a crowd, B, the crowd was mainly herbivores, and C, both Mukuro and Dino were there. So, naturally, there were an incredible amount of fighting…and that poor old lady! I shudder at the mere thought of what happened to her wheelchair…

**As previously stated, what happened to the kid and the old lady are completely up to you. Why don't you review and give me your version of what happened? :D**

**A small part of me wants to ask my artist friend to draw the Varia and Vongola Halloween costumes…but I won't. If anyone does that, send me a link! **


	5. Bel's Interview

**A/N Originally it was only going to be a 3 part segment as to where certain people kept things. Now, it's just going to be scattered interviews with people. Enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER. **

"Okay then, Bel. You're up first!" He'd like that, I figured, seeing as how Princes should always go first. Bel grinned and followed me into the sound proofed room. As per instructions, no one was supposed to know the secrets until I published them.

"Hello, Belphegor, and welcome to Hysterical Insanity's Closet Interviews!"

"Ushishishi~ Yo, author lady." He doesn't want to kill me yet. He will soon.

"Alrighty! First question is…How do you keep your teeth so white?"

"It all natural. The Prince is simply extraordinary."

"Interesting. Next question, your favorite color is…?"

"Either red, dark blue, or purple." OK, so far so good, now for some killers.

"What are your middle and last names?"

Stab stab. "Next question."

"What color are your eyes?"

Stab stab stab. "Next question."

"Favorite animal?"

"Mink." Okay, leap of faith, I die a fangirl or I die in shame!

"What about frogs?"

The silence seemed to stretch forever as Bel processed what I'd said and the implications behind it. The last thing I saw before blacking out was a hoard of knives flying at me.

**Okay, I suck at interviews. By the way, yes, I'm an unashamed B26 fangirl. But, because I don't like pissing off readers who might be vehemently apposed to the pairing, I decided to have Bel stab me and leave it at that. If you like the pairing, it was out of embarrassment. If you don't, it was out of anger. Have fun with that!**


	6. Varia's Ice Cream Store

**A/N Told you I'd put up The Varia's Ice-Cream Store. :D I'm also fascinated with the word 'Decimo', for some reason! :)**

**DISCLAIMER!**

It was an ordinary day for the Varia; meaning it was hectic, loud, and violent. Until Bel had an idea.

"Ushishishi~ The prince wants ice-cream!" The response was a momentary pause in the chaos and a mad dash to freezer. However, there was no ice cream! Instead, a note:

"Due to a large consumption of ice cream, I, Vongola Decimo, have ordered the Varia to run a one-day Ice Cream shop."

And so all Hell broke lose.

Normally, of course, they wouldn't have paid any attention to it, but everyone seemed to think it over for half a second. The 'prince' figured he could eat all the ice cream he wanted, Fran didn't really care, Luss was…well, he figured it'd be good 'family bonding time', Squalo and Xanxus were on a mission, and no one cares about Levi.

So, Lussuria, Bel, and Fran went to open an ice cream store. And Levi. Don't forget him, even though no one cares.

Forget business permits, they ignored every law and zoning ordinance in existence, and suddenly they had an ice cream store. Fran real-illusion-ed the Ice Cream (what, you thought they'd actually get real ice-cream?), Bel ate most of it (and was very disappointed), Lussuria started decorating, and Levi sat in a corner and cried.

On came the customers.

Next day, Xanxus and Squalo returned to find Lussuria screaming about his nails, Fran singing about coconuts, Bel laughing like an evil genius and stroking a cat, Levi wailing about…something, and one burnt down ice cream store.

Xanxus gathered, from the pieces he and Squalo understood, that Decimo had them run an ice cream store, the fangirls…I mean customers…were unhappy with Illusion Ice Cream, then tortured them into insanity (or farther into insanity) and burnt the store down.

Xanxus and Squalo then promptly turned on their collective heel and left for the Bahamas.

**And this is what happens when the Varia runs an Ice cream store. I still can't decide if it is Ice cream store, Ice-cream store, Ice Cream store, Ice-Cream store, ice-cream store, or ice cream store. It depends on my mood, I guess.**


	7. Fanxus in Kansas

**AN: IT LIVES! So, guess who's watching KHR for the 3****rd**** time now? And gets virtually no sleep? And thought strange thoughts last night, leading to not one, not two, but THREE new chapter ideas! Admittedly, only one has plot details at the moment, one has a few details, and one just makes no sense whatsoever, but, hey, it could be worse. I mean, what if we were all swimming in hot sauce with no goggles! Also, if you don't know who wins the Ring Battles, then spoiler alert. Oh, and this escalates quickly…  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even myself. The insanity owns me.**

It was an absolutely normal, violent, loud, and deadly day for the Varia. Nothing was strange or out of the ordinary at all. It was such a typical day that they probably could have closed their eyes and still gone through the motions. Until…

"Trash. We're going on a road trip."

"VOIIIII! WHY?!"  
"Of course boss! Whatever you say!"  
"Ushishishi, Levi is acting like a puppy again."  
"Don't expect me to pay…"  
"Bel-Sempai, stop stabbing me…"  
"Ohhhh! I love road trips!"

And so, the Varia boarded the Trashmobile! Also known as Xanxus's sweet ass ride. Though, no one was willing to inform Xanxus of the nickname. Xanxus was driving, of course, but the rest of the Varia had no clue where they were going.

Several hours later, they were bored. Well, half of them were bored, a fourth of them were pissed, and the rest were terrified.

Several more hours, they were all terrified. Except Xanxus, who was, for some reason, singing Katy Perry.

Several hours after this, they were all singing Katy Perry.

Then they drove through the ocean.

Actually, they hijacked a boat.

SUDDENLY, KANSAS!  
Pulling to a stop, Xanxus informed that they were there. "There" being a large amphitheater…they drove from Italy to Kansas for a Katy Perry concert…

"Trash, as punishment for losing the Ring Battle, you will sit through the entire concert…and Viper, you will be paying." Xanxus stared them down, forcing them into the line, while Viper screamed.

"WAIT!" Squalo suddenly yelled. "If this is just after the Ring Battles, then why is Fran here?"  
"I'm not." Fran stated in his monotone before poofing out of the time line.

Staring at the spot he had been standing in, Squalo almost missed the moment when Xanxus turned into a…small ceiling fan? Attached to absolutely nothing, the fan was just…hovering there.

"W-what? VOI, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!" Squalo yelled louder than normal.  
"I AM FANXUS IN KANSAS!" The fan screamed back.  
"Squalo, honey, are you ok?" Lussuria approached him slowly, while somewhere in the background Viper was still wailing about money.

And then, it wasn't Lussuria. It was Lady Gaga, wearing Lussuria's clothes and carrying garden shears.

"Time for a hair cut…"

"VVVVVVVVVOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIII!" Sitting straight up in bed, Squalo ran his hand through his hair, making sure it was still there. Yes, all of his precious silver locks were present and accounted for. It had only been a dream, a nightmare!

A wine glass smashed into his head. "Shark trash. Go back to sleep."

Rolling over onto his side, Squalo didn't see the floating ceiling fan over his bed.

"I'll get his hair next time…"

**So, this ending up being something completely different than what I had planned. I think I like this better, though…  
A bit of XS, I suppose, but it doesn't have to be.  
Next chapter is also weird, but maybe not this much…or maybe just a different kind of weird. If you can guess the title before I put it up, I'll give you a shout out! Review with your answer. Your clue is this: Belphegor becomes an "entertainer".**


	8. Prince the Stripper

**A/N Thanks for the patience you guys! My family hit a rough patch, and with school coming up…well, anyways, I'm writing now! No one guessed the title, but that's ok! I've got a few more chapters planned, so hopefully I'll be able to get those written!**

**Prince the Stripper!**

There have been many comical verbal slip-ups in the past, and a fair amount stem from drunkenness or sleep deprivation. However, the Varia are ruthless. If you say something accidently and nonsensically, then you have to follow it up by making it true. So many laughable incidents came from this rule, but by far the most…entertaining…was the Ripper Stripper incident.

It was a normal Varia afternoon, with normal Varia activities going on. Things such as throwing shit, yelling, stalking, and the like were going on inside that crazy house. UNTIL! Someone made a comment. A seemingly harmless comment, and yet it ruined their lives. Well, not exactly, but…

"I guess they don't call him Prince the Stripper for nothing."

Dead silence rang through the house. No one would admit to saying it, but everyone had heard it.

Stripper, not ripper.

Immediately, the rule was enforced. Not that Bel needed any encouragement, he was always willing to be weird on top of tables.

No, not like that, you foul minded reader!

Climbing onto the dining room table, Bel proceeded to dance…and strip…

The reactions of the others were generally of boredom and normalcy. Xanxus threw things at him, Fran was sarcastic, Squalo VOOOOOOOOOIIIIed, Viper simply didn't care, and Levi was doing something no one cared about because he's Levi. Lussuria was having a ball, of course.

He made it rain.

No one really thought anything of it, until Viper realized that the money was actually hers.

Needless to say, chaos worthy of the Varia ensued.

That's only the second strangest thing to happen, though. The most spectacular Varia chaotic word accident also revolves around Bel, only he was called Belphewhore, unintentionally (it doesn't count if it's intentional), but I'd rather not up the rating.

**A/N It's rather short, but I've had a chaotic day. My sister goes back to college tomorrow, and my other sister takes her ex to court the day after that. Then I have open house in a week, then a going away party for one of my friends who's going to early college, and then school starts. **_**Yay.  
**_**In case anyone is wondering and still reading this, I do use her to refer to Viper/Mammon (I really should use Mammon, since it's the Varia…), but I think I use him in an earlier chapter. You can use whatever term you prefer, I usually try to be gender neutral, but I gave up.**


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